By: Heather Patenaude
More than 9 years ago I experienced a miscarriage at 10 weeks with our first baby. Over the years I’ve been able to come along side many friends who deal with this type of loss.
I am always honored to help walk another woman through the devastation of a miscarriage and l want to share some practical ways to support and walk along side a friend who has miscarried.
1) Don’t avoid her! Call her, stop by her house, or text her as soon as you hear about it. I had friends who reached out to me, stopped by, called and it was nice to have those reach out to me.
2) Just hug her, tell her you love her and are praying for her. Avoid saying things like, “Oh you’ll get pregnant again.” or “At least you know you can get pregnant.” or “Well if something was wrong with the baby then this is a good thing.”
3) Send her flowers
4) Send her a card with bible verses printed on 3×5 cards. Verses of hope and encouragement.
5) Pray for the peace of God to wash over her (I’ll never forget the night after the miscarriage, John and I were laying in bed and we literally felt people praying for us!!)
6) Remember the due date and send her a note or call her that day.
7) Don’t be scared to ask her questions down the road…I wanted to talk about my baby, it’s my baby…it’s a person that died, I wanted to talk about my loss. I wanted to talk about my dashed expectations.
8) If you go to church with her, hug her when you see her. Church was the hardest for me for about 3 months afterwards.
9) If she does get pregnant again pray for peace in her pregnancy and let her know you’re praying for peace.
10) Make a meal for her and her family
I hope these suggestions help! Many women walk through miscarriages and it’s helpful to have tools in walking side by side with a friend who has lost a child.
HEATHER PATENAUDE is passionate about living a Christ-centered life. This passion flows over to being a wife to John and a homeschool mom to: Miles 8, Luke 6, and Clark 3. Heather is “doing” motherhood right along the side of most of you and hopes that she can encourage you to look beyond your “bath time” challenges and embrace the beautiful calling of motherhood!