By: Amy Cantilina
One Columbus Day weekend a few years ago, my husband and I decided to go for a long bike ride together. The kids were all in school, and he was home for the federal holiday. It was a beautiful day, and we were almost giddy at the thought that we had 6 whole hours to ourselves. Our best “dates” have historically included a trip to the gym, a good hard run, or going for a swim together. This time, we decided to bike about 64 miles—insanely farther than I had ever biked at one time before. Tom mapped out our route which would get us home just in time to pick up our youngest from preschool.
As we biked together, down long stretches of mostly quiet roads, hugging the shoulder and riding single-file in order to take turns drafting, my mind began to mull the lessons we had been discussing in our Bible study, many of which had centered on concepts related to submission. God opened my eyes, in fact, to see that the very act of biking together with my husband was an amazing example of submission—both of its implementation and its benefits.
Yielding: One Leader
In cycling etiquette, when riding with one or more others, one person takes the lead while any other riders follow close behind in single file in order to form a “pace line.” The purpose of the pace line is to allow one person to break the wind while the others “draft” behind the leader, keeping the same pace without exerting nearly as much effort because the leader is the one slicing through the wind. The follower can conserve energy to be able to take over when the leader is tired. If someone decides not to stay tucked in behind the leader, that rider will be exerting much more energy simply to stay on pace and loses the benefit of following the leader. The leader is responsible to set the pace and set the course. The followers “choose” to follow and enjoy the benefits.
Similarly, in marriage, God has designed that there should be one leader—one ultimately responsible. When two try to lead, friction is inevitable and the “work” of marriage is much harder.
Focus
When drafting, cyclists need to stay within just a few inches of the leader’s tire in order to be protected from the wind. It takes a great amount of focus and concentration to stay that close without accidentally nudging his tire or swerving out from behind and hitting the wind.
Being submissive similarly takes a great amount of focus. It means being intentional about staying closely connected, staying on pace, staying on the same path and being of one mind with my man. I have a good friend who is a very strong-willed woman. Years ago, when she was struggling with submission in her own marriage, her mentor told her “Submission is an act of the will. You are very strong willed. You should be very good at submission.” When we stay focused, submission is easier.
Trust
In cycling, a good leader is sure to warn his followers of debris, potholes, or other hazards in the road by signaling the following riders in advance. It is tempting, when drafting, to try to peak around the leader to attempt to see the road ahead, scan for hazards and see where the road is heading. As soon as the focus is off of the leader’s back wheel, however, the follower faces greatly increased risks of bumping the leaders’ bike, swerving out from behind the leader, or getting off pace and facing the wind alone. It takes a great amount of trust that the leader is choosing the right path and will help the follower avoid the hazards.
I think this is one of the reasons submission seems to grow easier for me the longer we are married. I have learned over time that Tom is truly trustworthy and it makes so much more sense to trust him than to struggle against him. But I look back at the early years of our marriage and realize how much easier so many issues would have been—and how much more peace I would have had in my heart–had I simply trusted Tom, which in essence, meant trusting the God who brought Tom and me together.
Readiness: Take the Lead When Asked
In a pace line, when the lead cyclist tires, he drops back to allow the follower to take the lead for a time. The follower steps up to take the lead, ready to be vigilant in setting the right pace, watching for road hazards, and following the right course.
There may be times in marriage or areas of life in which a husband simply prefers that the wife take the lead on certain issues or decisions. The Proverbs 31 woman showed amazing amounts of responsibility and capability—evaluating real estate, selling merchandise, managing a household staff, to name a few.
Stay on Pace
When taking the lead, it is tempting for the well-rested follower to set a pace that is faster than the previous pace simply because she is feeling fresh. It is key, however, to maintain a steady pace so that the already tired leader does not fall behind and have to face the wind alone.
I learned this the hard way…and Tom fell.
In the same way, when our husbands entrust us with the lead on decisions or issues, we must know—based on our carrying out all of the above—in general what his preferences or intentions would have been.
Submission: It’s for our good. It’s for our protection. It’s God’s design. It allows our men to be the leaders God has designed them to be. It works.
AMY CANTILINA is an Air Force wife and mom to 4 precious kiddos — two conceived in her womb and two conceived in her heart, coming home to their forever family from China. She is a Jesus-lover, wannabe writer, endurance athlete, Bible study leader, and wears whatever other hats her family’s military lifestyle might bring along. She is being stretched by mothering through a wide range of ages and needs — high school through kindergarten, some with special medical needs or developmental delays.
Photo from freedigitalphotos.net