By Shannon Popkin
“Yes, but why did you call me?”
I don’t always feel qualified to help my Christian friends when they call, engulfed by a hurtful situation. And I’m sure they don’t feel qualified to help me, either, when it’s my turn to be engulfed. But if we notice all the instances of “one another” in the Bible, we see that calling each other when we feel weak, confused, hurt, or angry is exactly what Christians are supposed to do.
But what do you do when it’s your turn to be the comforter/advisor/counselor/friend?
Here are a few suggestions:
- Give your friend the Truth: Your main goal is to give your friend God’s perspective. This will bring her most comfort, hope, and clarity during this painful time. Either during your discussion or afterward, select some Bible verses that will help your friend see her situation through God’s eyes. (Psalms is a great place to go for emotions that run the gamut!) A great way to close your time together, or on the phone, is to pray Scripture, claiming it’s truth for your friend.
- Listen Actively: As your friend shares her burden with you, listen carefully, asking God to show you what will help her heart and mind. You might want to jot down ideas and thoughts as she’s talking so you don’t have to interrupt her. (Ask permission first!)
- Ask Good Questions: Help your friend peel back the layers of her heart by using questions. Why did she react that way? Why does she feel angry or hurt? What were her expectations? How has she contributed to the problem? Help your friend look for roots of fear, anger, bitterness, etc. which might be lurking beneath layers of emotion or negative behavior.
- Assign some homework: Sometimes when we’re hurting, we get stuck. We say and do the same things, with no positive change. Your friend needs to move forward, but she might not know how. Your job is to gently give her an assignment. You might text her after you’ve talked and say, “I’m going to check in with you at 2:00 tomorrow, and by then, I want you to ____.” You might have her write out some verses or make a phone call. You’re not being pushy or calloused when you insist that she do something. You’re helping her activate her faith!
- Pray: God knows all the variables of your friend’s situation. Plus, he’s infinitely wise, and wants to spill his wisdom into you. So ask him for it! And believe that he will give it generously.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach.” James 1:5
SHANNON POPKIN is a writer and speaker from Grand Rapids, MI. She and her husband Ken have been married for 17 years, and in that time their kids (ages 15, 13, and 9) have diligently plucked them clean of pride, but have also filled their nest with deep joy and satisfaction. Connect with Shannon at shannonpopkin.com.